It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
