THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
