You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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