fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
