So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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