Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
