One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
