I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
