what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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