How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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