Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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