Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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