She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
