i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
