He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
