We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
