overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
