Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
