How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
