he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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