mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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