why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
