Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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