There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
