so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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