Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
