Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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