My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
