it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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