Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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