i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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