I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
