I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
