I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
