Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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