I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
