I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
