Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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