Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize