just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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