I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize