can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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