I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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