I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
