i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She said her name was "party"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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