our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
