One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
