Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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