like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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