no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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