It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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