This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
