We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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