It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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