Ambien. No doubt about it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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