First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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