You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
