i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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