She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
