I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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