we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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